6 Thoughts on Discipling Youth
I can’t confidently say that I’ve ever been formally taught how to disciple someone else. Discipling teenagers is just one of those things that’s been on every Youth Pastor Job Description I’ve ever had. Whether it was an official job description given to me by the church or a job description I dreamed up because an official one was never given, when you are in ministry, discipling is just expected. And yet, as much of a priority as discipling is in our Christian faith, there just doesn’t seem to be a lot of time spent on teaching people how to do it. In other words, my lack of training in this area is more the rule than the exception.
In the gospels, Jesus consistently models how to disciple through his interactions with his disciples. But the gospels are mere inferences based on biblical narratives, not step-by-step “how to” strategies we can cut and paste in our own ministries. So, I, like a lot of you, have had to learn about discipleship through studying the life of Jesus, from being discipled myself, and a lot of trial and error along the way. As with most things in ministry, there isn’t a one size fits all model, or a perfect practice. It’s a habit that needs consistent honing and reimagining—no matter how much of a veteran we are! But that shouldn’t discourage us. The more we put into our learning, the more we will inevitably discover. That’s a good thing! So, while I don’t have all the answers, and this list isn’t intended to be exhaustive, here are just six things I’ve learned on my 20 year journey in ministry as I’ve watched how things play out with the teenagers I’ve loved and led.
Stay on the journey yourself - Within Children’s Ministry and Youth Ministry, it’s easy to work at a church that you’re not really a part of. How? While discipleship is often happening within the larger church body, we don’t always have an opportunity to experience it because we are serving the children and youth. When there’s Sunday service, we’re typically with the kids. When there’s Bible Study, we’re leading for the youth. Our opportunities to be ministered to are fewer and far between. So it makes sense that getting invested ourselves is difficult to make happen. But can I be honest? This is a recipe for disaster. If not in the short-term, then in the long run. Even though some people might minimize the work we do within the church - it’s still ministry and discipleship. Whether you spend your Sundays changing diapers in the nursery or talking about the future with High Schoolers, you’re playing a role in laying the faith foundation for someone else. And that, needs to be taken seriously first by you. In order to effectively disciple someone else, we must remain on a discipleship journey ourselves. It’s essential for us to remain connected to a community (or even just someone) who holds us accountable and is shepherding us in our faith. Side note: As a staff member or being in a leadership position at a church, it can be difficult to find this at the church you work at. So, it may be helpful to look for people outside of the church you are in to be that for you, allowing you more freedom and honesty about any challenges you may be facing.
Discipleship begins before someone says, “yes” - Maybe one of the biggest things we need to reimagine is the formality and clearly defined markers of when discipleship starts. Discipleship does not begin when a teenager says, “yes” to God, Jesus, or your church. Before a teenager ever decides to follow Jesus and all that involves, they’re watching you and observing what this decision looks like played out in real time. Whether they admit it or realize it, they’re watching you to determine if any of it is authentic and something they should engage in. We are selling discipleship sort if we only ever see the task as beginning with a one-time decision, something that starts when we flip the discipleship “switch”. Our discipling begins long before that, so the question for us as leaders is, how are we discipling in our modeling? What are we teaching with our living?
Measure the right things - We measure how many people “respond” to our ministry. We count attendance, salvation, baptisms, membership, and giving. And yes, numbers tell a story we should pay attention to, but they can also cause us to chase the wrong thing. Measuring someone’s spiritual growth or how well they’re being discipled isn’t one of those things we can easily quantify. And that can make discipleship tricky, but that doesn’t mean finding a way to quantify it should be the goal. An unhealthy focus on numbers without a true plan for how to disciple all of those bodies, misrepresents the mission of ministry. So what do we do to determine our effectiveness? I think we need to start rethinking some ideas. I don’t think when Jesus said, “Go and make disciples,” that He meant conversion. The Great Commission is about life transformation. Jesus meant for us to teach people how to be like Him. That’s what Jesus did with the disciples, He taught them to be like Him, by the life He lived. The only way Jesus knew whether or not the disciples were actually getting the message was through the conversations and questions they were asking and through the things they were doing day after day. Discipleship in the gospels wasn’t a box to check, or an item on a to-do list. Discipleship was a growing and evolving practice that happened all day, every day in every teaching, miracle and interaction. In the same way, depending upon the size of your ministry, you may not be able to spend one-on-one or one-on-12 time with everyone. But what you can do is equip other adults to serve alongside you. Jesus set a model for not only relational discipleship but also relational capacity. When you’re at capacity, lean on someone else. Do what you need to do to keep discipleship as relational as possible and not driven towards numbers—just as Jesus did.
Have a standard/expectation for your youth - For many years, as I served in Youth Ministry, I would notice teenagers doing inappropriate things and yet I never held them accountable. I would listen to them discuss spiritual or personal goals yet not comment when I saw them sabotaging their goals and progress. At that point, I did not have the confidence to hold someone accountable for things they were doing. Yet, as I watched real life happen to countless teenagers, I realized something. Almost every decision (the good ones and the bad ones) cost us something. Wise decisions can cost us our comfort right now, but bad decisions cost us parts of our future. So why sit and watch a teenager make a decision that could cost them their futures, their relationships, or even their lives? If they are going to pay in some way, why not pay in a way that will ultimately add to their lives long term and not take away from it? When I made that connection, I instantly raised my standards and expectations of the teens I served. Was grace still existent? Of course. Character adjustment doesn’t happen instantaneously. Setting a standard in love is one of the best things you can do for your teenagers. But alongside grace, we also made growth and progress part of our discipleship plan
Let them see your humanity - Carrying the title of Minister or Pastor comes with a pretty big weight—fair or unfair. There can be an assumption that those of us in ministry are flawless, or that we have it all figured out. That can feel flattering, but the truth is, that does not set a realistic example of what it means to be human. The problem is, we don’t always do a whole lot to correct that perception. When we perpetuate this mentality by not allowing people to see our humanity, we portray life with God as easy, smooth and seamless. (That doesn’t mean we share everything with everyone. We choose authenticity with everyone, but transparency with a trusted few.) Creating that image hurts us and hurts those we are discipling. The people we are leading don’t need a smoothed-over version of life with God. They need to know it will be difficult at times, and that difficulty does not equal bad. When we display our humanity, within reason, we let teenagers know that they can live a life with God, too. If you don’t know an answer, say so. If you’re confused by something, acknowledge it. If you’ve struggled with something, confess it. Teenagers need to not only see the person we have become but they also need to see the things we have overcome and are still overcoming.
The truth is, I could probably share a dozen more things on what to do or not do when it comes to dsicipleship. But maybe, they all come down to this: when in doubt, just do what Jesus did - And what did Jesus do? He loved—continuously, unconditionally, extravagantly. Peter, the disciple who denied he even knew Jesus the night of his arrest would know. He experienced it firsthand and then wrote this, in his New Testament epistle: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” When it comes to discipleship, love is first and love is last. And I happen to believe if we start and end there, we’ll be getting enough right.
